Blog 48 – Previously

Ideas are funny things.  They inhabit a plane of existence outside the physical universe…the same universe that holds everything else, known or unknown, with the exception of these ideas.  When you think of something, and you picture it in your head, electrical signals are shooting around your body, but where does the idea itself exist?  Where is this image you’ve pictured in some ethereal capacity?  Nowhere, of course, but if that’s the case, how do we have those ideas?  How can something exist and at the same time not exist?

This is not to overmysticize the whole process and try to make it sound like something it’s not.  But the point of this all is WHERE DO WE COME UP WITH THESE GREAT IDEAS FOR FRANKS AND BEANS?  Another level of existence, that’s where.  And you can tell your friends this, because it’s true.  If they call you a liar, punch them right in the throat.

This brings us to our 46th episode, “Previously”.  The idea for this episode sprung from two places: the unknowable nothingness that I just spoke of, and the desire to do a “backwards” episode, which is not a new concept but is probably attributed to Seinfeld more than anything else, at least as far as television and the like is concerned.  Now, you may be saying to yourself that this episode of Franks and Beans is not in fact filmed in reverse sequence, and you would be right.  Ideas, fleeting as they are, sometimes change in the process, and such is the case with “Previously”, where instead we ended up with lots and lots of fake buildup, only to have no real payout in the end (just like every other episode of Franks and Beans, amIright, fellas?).

Speaking of change, there’s an interesting easter egg-y moment happening in this episode, as for once we try to be subtle about something.  Larry and I wear the same shirts throughout the episode, swapping them at times for no other reason than to have a background joke tossed in.

The episode took some strange turns but I think it worked to its full effect, poking fun at the really long and expository recaps that some shows put at the beginning of new episodes.  The tension builds and builds and builds (“You, all right? I learned it from watching you!”), and we even manage to keep a fairly consistent continuity throughout the “previously on…” sequence, with the exception of the non sequitur of the two of us laughing for no apparent reason.  Larry’s mysterious letter is the driving force!  What could its contents reveal?

Somewhere out there in the universe (but in our real universe, not the strange abscess of reality where ideas exist), there’s an extended clip of our penultimate scene, where the apparently non-long-for-this-earth Jeff takes us to the cliffhanger.  This deleted scene lasts about three times as long as the actual episode, and I go on and on about whatever I can think of.  I’m pretty sure we put it on the season two DVD.  Whatever.  Maybe Larry can dredge it up for you one day, blog readers.

The joke of this episode plays on all of our expectations, or more appropriately, the complete turn we take from everything that had come before.  Instead of answering any of the questions we post, either explicitly or implicitly throughout the episode, we end with us (in new shirts!) eating ravioli and spouting a “that’s what she said” line, which, let’s face it, is always sure to please (that’s what she said).

Not to let the backwards theme go, our “No!” ending features a backwards scene…of sorts.  It’s a stretch, but…it is what it is.  Such is the life of ideas.

Oh, and I finally (we knew it was coming) messed up with the sequence of these episodes, as I forgot we had a commentary episode lined up for “Why So Misleading?”.  We’re all probably surprised that it took this long for it to happen.  Please watch it, and listen to Larry sound like he’s happy that he’s throwing up.

Episode 43.1 – Disgusting Commentary on “Why So Misleading?”

Two great tastes don’t always go great together.

Franks and Beans ad in Magic Bullet #8

The Magic Bullet is a free, Washington, DC-based comic newspaper that publishes on a semi-annual basis.  Why, then, am I posting this to the Franks and Beans website?  That’s a great question.  Here are some answers:

1) Because I do what I want.
2) See #1.

Ha HAAA!!  Wow, what witty banter you can expect from the Franks and Beans website.  We’re basically out of control over here.  Seriously, you can ask anyone.

The eighth installment of the Magic Bullet came out a few months ago, and inside was a one-page comic that I wrote titled “I Hate the Moon”, for obvious reasons.  Also included is this Franks and Beans print ad:

Hey, look!  It’s the “Double Delivery” ad that we made a couple years ago for Comic-Con!  I think we’ll be submitting another episode to the Comic-Con Film Festival in 2015, if for no other reason than to create another print ad.

One of the things I enjoy the most about advertising in the Magic Bullet is getting a thank you card in the mail addressed to Franks and Beans, like those are our names.  According to the printed names on the inside of the card, I am one of the creators thanking Franks and Beans.  Well, you’re welcome, Jeff McClelland.  I guess.

Episode 46 – Previously

THE DRAMATIC CONCLUSION!

Blog 47 – Long Distance

The Pittsburgh Comicon used to be big time.  Back in the 1990s, when Larry wore South Park t-shirts and I wore hats for reasons other than to cover up hair loss, the yearly Pittsburgh Comicon was something to look forward to, especially as a way for young fans to meet up with professionals and other fans in a way that didn’t involve weird newsgroups that would inevitably devolve into searching for naked pictures of Pamela Anderson.   The Pittsburgh shows of the 1990s featured celebrities and big-time comic book creators whose work went all the way back to the Golden Age of comics in the 1930s and ’40s.  Heck, we even got our picture taken with Spawn, both some guy dressed in a costume and the actual Al Simmons, who I’m pretty sure got a booth and handed out stickers or something.

The Pittsburgh Comicons of today just aren’t the same.  When the old Monroeville Convention Center closed down several of years ago, I remembering thinking, “thank goodness, now the show can move to a real location, like the state-of-the-art Pittsburgh Convention Center (located conveniently downtown)”.  But it turns out that the Comicon did not heed or receive my well-constructed thoughts, complete with parentheses, and to this day they remain in Monroeville, the least convenient location for an event that identifies itself by the adjective “Pittsburgh”.  These days, they don’t haul out copies of 1938’s Action Comics #1 anymore only to have a 16-year-old Larry almost knock it and millions of dollars worth of other comics off a shelf, no siree.

And the Pittsburgh Comicon doesn’t seem to have guests like Mart Nodell, creator of Green Lantern, anymore.  One good reason for this is that Mr. Nodell has been dead for a few years.  Another is that…well, I’m not exactly sure why.  But when I think back to the heyday of the show and compare it to what it is now, well…there’s really no comparison, and this is a shame, because Pittsburgh deserves a nice mid-level comic book show.  It doesn’t have to be a media extravaganza like those in New York, Chicago or San Diego (or Toronto…or Seattle for that matter), but a comic-centered show with new talent and a better location are musts for the Pittsburgh Comicon to recapture its former glory.

If the show ever regains some of its luster, perhaps I’ll wear a nice silver jumpsuit like our friend Chase Masterson, here.  As it is, Larry and I will settle for what we’re now able to do at the Pittsburgh Comicon, which is hastily film an episode of Franks and Beans while getting yelled at to not film an episode of Franks and Beans, namely our 45th episode, “Long Distance”.  I believe that at one point we were thinking of naming the episode “Comic-Con” or something of that nature, which would have been a bit of an overstatement, all things considered.

Our episode begins with a collection of establishing shots, which is one of Larry’s editing signatures.  There are more exciting ways of introducing the necessary setting information, but with time constraints, this served well enough to get the point across: the episode apparently takes place at a convention with a disinterested Margot Kidder…

…Scott McDaniel…

…some booths — WAIT, IS THAT THE WORLD FAMOUS WAGON WHEEL COMICS?  Publisher of Teddy and the Yeti?  Boy, what a coincidence to get that booth, empty in this shot for some reason, captured in a seemingly random sweep of the convention floor.

And also “Franks and Beans” star Jeff McClelland using a flip phone.  Oh, wait, this is part of the actual episode.

When I look back at this episode, I think that it’s got a decent joke that’s executed fairly well, but there’s always room for improvement.  I’ve often wrung my hands over the quality of the audio on this show.  Some times there’s nothing to be done about it, and this is the case with “Long Distance”.  In general, convention center employees don’t enjoy productions taking up floor space, and a boom mic (even if we had one) is a pretty big giveaway that you are doing more than just taking creepy videos of the person dressed as Black Cat.  Trying to keep a low profile dictated many of our shots and how quickly they were filmed this day…and in our first few shots, we get soft-talking Jeff, the bane of video editing Jeff’s existence.  But even so, it’s pretty clear as to what’s going on, and it serves as a pretty good setup for what’s to come next.

If I could change one thing about this episode (besides having Margot Kidder as an actual guest star), it’d be Larry’s first shot, where he talks on the phone and lies about his current whereabouts.  A medium shot reveals the same colored walls and what is obviously the same location.  Editor Jeff wants a tighter shot that doesn’t reveal the main joke quite as soon.

Even with this early giveaway, the main joke – where Larry and I still talk on the phone even after running into each other – is still a satisfying one, I think.  And the “head chest cold” line is a nice addition.

Most episodes of Franks and Beans are filmed over the course of a day.  Few span different days, and sometimes this is out of something other a very long shooting session.  This episode, though, was probably shot the fastest, because we literally had people telling us to leave as we were trying to get the last shots.  Someone even came over the intercom system to tell us to get out of there as they closed up shop.  It was a good exercise in getting the hell done really quickly.  And then we went and had some Mexican food.

Our action-packed “NO!” ending for this episode features Larry’s worst nightmare.  An interesting thing to note is that unless Larry decided to jump out of his bedroom window, he was running toward the flames and not away from them.  I’m going to imagine that he was desperately trying to save some of his more unique Dukes of Hazzard memorabilia, and really, can any of us blame him?  Other than people who think that running into fires for material possessions is a shortsighted and irresponsible idea that might leave someone dead or horribly burned?

A few years after we filmed this episode, Wagon Wheel Comics got another booth at yet another installment of the Pittsburgh Comicon.  It is much the same as it was in this episode, except now they give out panels to people like me, who have no business running a panel.  If you’ve got an hour to kill, feel free to relive the magic, just like tens of others have on YouTube:

Like Franks and Beans, BE IN FRANKS AND BEANS

Here’s a nice shot from an upcoming episode (yes, we still make them) of Franks and Beans.  Despite what many of you are thinking, Larry has not yet had his much-discussed sex change.  Instead, we’ve got a new guest star in the form of Franks and Beans fan Lauren.  In between shots, Lauren and I took a surprisingly intimate picture that seems to intimate (yes, this word has two different pronunciations and meanings…look it up) that the two of us are dating, which was never the case despite what my private journal may “allegedly” divulge.

Sharp-minded viewers will remember that the name “Lauren” was used for a character in an early episode of Franks and Beans.  I will confirm now (ONCE AND FOR ALL) that the character was named after our good friend Lauren here, with the idea that she would never actually show up in Pennsylvania and ask to be on the show.  This means that we will have to come up with a different character name for Lauren, which should be difficult because there just aren’t that many names for girls to choose from in existence.  We’ll see what we can do.

Look for this new episode to air as soon as Larry and I edit the damn thing.

 

Episode 45 – Long Distance

Reach out and touch someone.

Blog 46 – As Serious As…

 

 

Let’s review our 44th episode of Franks and Beans in a series of four screen shots:

 

Screen shot 1: Jeff accuses Larry of stealing his things.  This is because it’s widely known that Larry is a dirty thief.*

[*THIS is known as slander.  Or is it libel?  Let me look it up.  Okay, libel is when it’s written, so this is libel.  Though I also say it quite often, so it’s probably best to toss slander in there, too.  This distinction isn’t really that big of a deal, since Larry is also illiterate and he doesn’t actually listen to anything I say, so I’m probably in the clear as far as all this goes.]

Through the course of events, I get really angry, kind of swear and fall down dead of a heart attack.

OR DO I?

Screen shot 2: IT’S A JOKE!  What a funny trick to play on your friend: pretend you are dying, slipping the mortal coil, and just when your friend has expressed human compassion and concern, reveal that you are in fact not dying and will probably never die.  This also works well on significant others and while playing in an athletic competition.

My well-conceived joke, however, backfires, as my startling revelation induces the same heart attack-like symptoms in Larry.  In what can only be described as REAL irony (not NOT irony), my fake heart attack gives Larry a real heart attack.

OR DOES IT?

Screen shot 3: In what can only be described as a sequence of events too shocking for words…or, I guess just shocking enough for a few chosen words, we pull the heart attack trick out AGAIN, as Larry’s joke causes a real, true heart attack in Jeff.  But we’ve seen this before, haven’t we?  Jeff must be taking the joke one step further, and the only conclusion we can make is that this episode will continue forever and ever in a continuous stream of fake heart attack after fake heart attack, each one more realistic than the next, as Franks and Beans becomes the first real-time, continuously and forever airing show on the Internet, an historic, awe-inspiring and groundbreaking event that will live on for eternity.

Screen shot 4: Or, Jeff actually dies and the episode is over.  I LIKE THIS ENDING THE BEST!  Here at Franks and Beans, we like to end episodes when you most expect it.  Or least expect it.  Here at Franks and Beans, we end episodes as opposed to never ending them.  This is a good example of that.

Our “NO!” ending for this episode features Larry saying “No!”  He also has the Olympic spirit.  See you next time for “Long Distance!”

 

Episode 44 – As Serious As…

Always consult your doctor.

Someone bought FranksandBeans.com. It wasn’t us.

A few years ago, before we bought the domain franksandbeansonline.com, Larry and I looked into buying the more obvious name of franksandbeans.com.  It probably doesn’t take too much thought to figure out why we didn’t buy that particular name: it was expensive.  REALLY expensive.  Like $18,000 a year expensive.  And so franksandbeansonline.com was brought into existence, and franksandbeans.com sat unused for years and years.

But then someone bought it and turned it into a site with pictures of girls on it.  That’s fine, of course, but I have to at least say that it’s a strange use of the domain.  Is it a desirable domain name?  Do people wander over there and click on the ads?  I have no idea.

Interestingly enough, franksandbeans.com isn’t even porn.  It’s good looking girls, often in skimpy outfits, but that’s about it.  Porn, I could get.  Heck, that goes without saying (…ladies).  I suppose we’ll see if this experiment lasts, as that 18 grand (if that’s indeed what the name went for) is real money.  But hey, maybe we’ll have some cross promotions in our future.  Reach out, franksandbeans.com, and send us a line.  Heck, look at all of this free promotion that you’re already getting!

My favorite part of the website is the page dedicated to the privacy policy:

 

Nice.