Kid tested, mustache approved! The UHF art and movie screening Kickstarter!

Should I keep my different projects separate?  Should I keep the Franks and Beans blog un-despoiled by non F&B items?  Here’s an idea, faithful reader: why don’t you watch your stinkin’ mouth?

Ugh, that was harsh.  I’m sorry, guys.  This is an especially egregious error as I am trying to raise a little bit of money to show “Weird Al” Yankovic’s 1989 cult classic film “UHF” at a local theater on May 31st of the year.  What was I thinking?  Please, forgive me.

Here’s the details: I recently launched a Kickstarter campaign to help offset the licensing and rental fees associated with the screening.  The film will screen at Latrobe 30 Theatre & Cafe, and it will take place the same day as Al’s Greensburg, PA “Mandatory Fun” tour date.  The theater is fewer than 10 miles from the concert venue, so I’m hoping that fans and those attending the concert will want to see the movie earlier in the day.

I’ve got a whole lot of rewards to offer up to anyone who pledges, from 11×17 prints, to pins, to shirts, to a gigantic, movie poster-sized print that is the official image of the campaign and screening:

You can even get tickets to the show if you live in the area (or feel like a road trip), though you don’t have to attend the movie to get the other items!

I just announced that anyone who pledges at the $10 level or higher will get a Money for Nothing/Beverly Hillbillies inspired sticker at no extra charge!

So if you enjoy Franks and Beans, you’re a fan of Weird Al, or if you’re just a nice person who would feel bad if this dang thing doesn’t succeed, I hope you’ll click the following link to read more about this UHF movie screening Kickstarter project: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/jeffmcclelland/uhf-movie-screening/

Even if you can’t pledge anything, I hope you’ll decide to share this project with people that you know.

Franks and Beans ad in Magic Bullet #8

The Magic Bullet is a free, Washington, DC-based comic newspaper that publishes on a semi-annual basis.  Why, then, am I posting this to the Franks and Beans website?  That’s a great question.  Here are some answers:

1) Because I do what I want.
2) See #1.

Ha HAAA!!  Wow, what witty banter you can expect from the Franks and Beans website.  We’re basically out of control over here.  Seriously, you can ask anyone.

The eighth installment of the Magic Bullet came out a few months ago, and inside was a one-page comic that I wrote titled “I Hate the Moon”, for obvious reasons.  Also included is this Franks and Beans print ad:

Hey, look!  It’s the “Double Delivery” ad that we made a couple years ago for Comic-Con!  I think we’ll be submitting another episode to the Comic-Con Film Festival in 2015, if for no other reason than to create another print ad.

One of the things I enjoy the most about advertising in the Magic Bullet is getting a thank you card in the mail addressed to Franks and Beans, like those are our names.  According to the printed names on the inside of the card, I am one of the creators thanking Franks and Beans.  Well, you’re welcome, Jeff McClelland.  I guess.

Like Franks and Beans, BE IN FRANKS AND BEANS

Here’s a nice shot from an upcoming episode (yes, we still make them) of Franks and Beans.  Despite what many of you are thinking, Larry has not yet had his much-discussed sex change.  Instead, we’ve got a new guest star in the form of Franks and Beans fan Lauren.  In between shots, Lauren and I took a surprisingly intimate picture that seems to intimate (yes, this word has two different pronunciations and meanings…look it up) that the two of us are dating, which was never the case despite what my private journal may “allegedly” divulge.

Sharp-minded viewers will remember that the name “Lauren” was used for a character in an early episode of Franks and Beans.  I will confirm now (ONCE AND FOR ALL) that the character was named after our good friend Lauren here, with the idea that she would never actually show up in Pennsylvania and ask to be on the show.  This means that we will have to come up with a different character name for Lauren, which should be difficult because there just aren’t that many names for girls to choose from in existence.  We’ll see what we can do.

Look for this new episode to air as soon as Larry and I edit the damn thing.

 

Someone bought FranksandBeans.com. It wasn’t us.

A few years ago, before we bought the domain franksandbeansonline.com, Larry and I looked into buying the more obvious name of franksandbeans.com.  It probably doesn’t take too much thought to figure out why we didn’t buy that particular name: it was expensive.  REALLY expensive.  Like $18,000 a year expensive.  And so franksandbeansonline.com was brought into existence, and franksandbeans.com sat unused for years and years.

But then someone bought it and turned it into a site with pictures of girls on it.  That’s fine, of course, but I have to at least say that it’s a strange use of the domain.  Is it a desirable domain name?  Do people wander over there and click on the ads?  I have no idea.

Interestingly enough, franksandbeans.com isn’t even porn.  It’s good looking girls, often in skimpy outfits, but that’s about it.  Porn, I could get.  Heck, that goes without saying (…ladies).  I suppose we’ll see if this experiment lasts, as that 18 grand (if that’s indeed what the name went for) is real money.  But hey, maybe we’ll have some cross promotions in our future.  Reach out, franksandbeans.com, and send us a line.  Heck, look at all of this free promotion that you’re already getting!

My favorite part of the website is the page dedicated to the privacy policy:

 

Nice.

The Franks and Beans…uh…half year in review.

2013 has come and gone, and hey!  Franks and Beans, despite all evidence to the contrary, is still around.  The band has not dissolved.  Larry and I do not have creative differences.  There are still stories to be told.  The cat’s in the cradle.

I don’t know if it’s fair to say that Franks and Beans went on hiatus for the second half of 2013, but the fact is I haven’t posted anything new on this site since, what, June?  That’s kind of dumb.  I suppose that there are a few reasons for this, but the prevailing one stemmed from some uncertainty about the F&B domain name and branding.  It’s a long story, and it’s not something that I’ll get into in any great detail, but after some long discussions and some stressful weeks, I needed to take a break, and a few days stretched into a big part of last year.  It was never my intention to let the site go unmanned for so long, but the start of 2014 seems as good a time as any to wind the machine back up and start posting again.  So, you know, tell all of your friends.

In the meantime, let’s talk about the weird stats package that WordPress puts together at the end of each year!  As with last year’s presentation, this one brought out some information that is, at the very least, mildly interesting.  And if there’s any way to describe Franks and Beans, it’s “mildly interesting”, so let’s see some of the highlights!This particular screen made me laugh (well, not out loud, just that kind of Internet laughing where you breath slightly harder out of your nose), because our most popular posts for the whole year are not our videos, and four of the five aren’t even ABOUT our videos.  More people come to this site, apparently, to read about comics than they do to watch our HILARIOUS AND INVENTIVE comedy.  So the plan is working.  Perhaps I need to work on my tagging…I’m sure that’s it.

According to WordPress’s highly personal evaluation, my writing has staying power.  I am not going to argue with this.It’s a relief that a number of people find this site by doing an Internet search for the phrase “Franks and Beans”.  Perhaps they are searching for the canned hot dog accessory, but I’ll take what I can get.  It’s less of a relief that some people come to this site by searching for the phrase “jetgil caton porno”.  Our Jet Boy/Jet Girl Comic-Con photos probably caught a few stragglers (who were immediately disappointed, I’m assuming).  This information makes me want to do a similar search, because I have no idea what “jetgil caton” mean, but I’m fairly certain that I would be scarred and saddened if I took the leap, because whatever the terms mean, I probably don’t want to see the porno version, though I’m willing to admit that there’s a chance I could be wrong.  Some folks also found this site while searching for “Bronson Pinchot shirtless”, and really, haven’t we all done this at some point?

Also, many thanks to Lauren of “Gregarious Girdler” fame, who is our number four referencer, beating out the all-powerful Facebook in that regard.  She didn’t do as well as the Pittsburgh Comicon website, though.  So step it up, Girdler.

2013 was an interesting year for Franks and Beans.  2014, though, should bring bigger and better things.  And also some posts.  Let’s make it happen.

Franks and Beans: Media Moguls

If you watch Franks and Beans, you are distinguished by two factors: first, you are our best friends.  Second, you’re part of a rare group.  We’ve been doing a little bit to try and change that lately (the rarity part…not the other one.  You will always be our best friends.  FOREVER!) by trying to get the word out in places other than on our other blogs.  Perhaps you, crafty consumer, have seen some of these mentions in the wild over the past few weeks.

One of my greatest achievements in life (I’m serious) has been in writing the Tick comic book for New England Comics.  To date I have written…ONE ISSUE!  But oh, what an issue it was (and there are more on the way, by the by).  Who knows when the ride will end, but in the meantime, I might as well plug Franks and Beans if I can.  Proof of life:

Hooray!  Who would have thought it was possible?  But here we are.  This particular comic was the Free Comic Book Day issue, so there were literally tens of thousands of these out and about, to my delight.  Hopefully enough people read the text page to get a least a few new viewers.

Next up we have the latest issue of the Journal of Venture Studies, which was put out in conjunction with Adult Swim.  The new season of the Venture Bros., one of my favorite shows of all time, is on the air starting tonight, as it so happens, and I was lucky enough to get a chance to write an entry in this faux journal.  I got to write a mini-bio at the end of my article, and they let me sneak in a quick F&B reference:

Double hooray!  This reference requires just a bit more diligence on the part of the reader as someone would actually have to go to Google and painstakingly search for this website, but hey, there’s always hope.

You can find my entry and the entire journal by clicking on this link: http://venturestudies.com/volume2.html

And lastly, I showed off this new ad in the Magic Bullet paper a little while ago.  I might as well show it again, because it’s great.  But I also got a card in the mail the other day from the editorial staff:

This in itself is cool, but opening it up we find that someone actually had to write out the phrase “Dear Franks and Beans”.  Someone took the time to do this!  That’s funny.

As you can see, we’re on our way to being really super popular.  Once that happens, you can act all indignant and tell everyone that you knew us before we were a household name.  I’m pretty sure that this will happen.  Yes.

2012 in review

WordPress put together an annual report for this blog.  Because it is full of fun animations and pretty-looking text, I’ll put a link here in this post.

Here’s the rundown, for those short on time: NO ONE READS THIS BLOG!  One of the search term phrases most used to find this blog was “Bronson Pinchot shirtless”.  Who is searching for that?  Come on.

So here’s my Franks and Beans New Years resolution: to find a bigger audience for Franks and Beans in 2013.  We can beat 1400 page views with no problem.  At least, we SHOULD beat 1400 page views in a year.  I think it can happen.  In the meantime, if you enjoy looking at pictures of and involving me, check out the automatically generated WordPress information below!

—

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

The new Boeing 787 Dreamliner can carry about 250 passengers. This blog was viewed about 1,400 times in 2012. If it were a Dreamliner, it would take about 6 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

Franks and Beans business cards

Let’s say you’ve bought some great items on the eBay from your pal, Jeff.  First of all, would it have killed you to drive up the bidding a little bit?  Those eBay fees can come down pretty hard.  Secondly, when you get your package, chances are you’ll see something like what’s directly above.

This, simply, is because I am not satisfied with sending an unsolicited advertisement for fantastic Internet programming to just one person!  Certainly not – I want the entire United States Postal Service to join in on the advertising push.  And, perhaps, anyone else who sees it along the way (or steals it en route), all the way until it reaches your waiting hands.  You flip the package over, see the baked beaned background, hold the image high in the air and exclaim, “Yes!  Yes!  I’ll go there RIGHT NOW!”

Or, perhaps, you might say something along the lines of “what the hell is this?!”  Either way, it’s seen.  And that’s all we can ask for.

Our Franks and Beans business cards have been out for a while, and already they are collectors’ items.  I say this because I’ve got like a thousand of them sitting in a box on a shelf, so I must be hoarding them for a reason.  I foist them on others mostly at comic book conventions, when I have a semi-captive audience and when people are looking for anything that might be free.

How much of an impact do these cards have?  A little, I guess.  After every convention, there’s a small spike in visitors to the site.  Whether that’s from the convention bump or a sign of our impending fame is difficult to tell.  I’m happy with them, though, and I guess that’s something.  The front of the card is the F&B logo and there’s some information on the back, including the aforementioned baked beans background that we got by dumping out a can of baked beans on a plate and then taking a picture of them.  And then eating the baked beans.

Below are the official Franks and Beans business card files.  They were expertly printed at www.uprinting.com.  Want to make your own?  Knock yourself out!  Hand them out to friends!  Wallpaper your bathroom with them!  Stick them to your Trapper Keeper!  And as always, watch the mail.

We’re not dead yet!

 

As you may have realized, the F&B blog as taken a bit of a hiatus.  But that doesn’t meant we’ve stopped caring about you, loyal Franks and Beans fans.  Oh no, we still think longingly about each and every one of you right before we go to bed each night.  It’s true!  Why would I make something like that up?

In any case, I’ll start posting content again soon and will try to keep these fallow periods to a minimum.  In the meantime, why not head over to the Teddy and the Yeti blog and read about our costumed adventures at Comic-Con?  Or check out the DukesCollector blog and read about…other things we did a Comic-Con?  The picture at the top of this post is a screen shot from the next new episode of Franks and Beans…so stay tuned!  And thanks for not hating me for ignoring this blog for the last few weeks.  Unless you do hate me.  That might be awkward.

New Franks and Beans DVDs!

We at Franks and Beans have made DVDs before. We have! We’ve even sold a few of them. When Comic-Con rolled around for us this year, though, I wanted to do something different and simpler than before. The DVDs the first time around were in a standard-size clamshell case (I’m sure you can picture it), and those things take up a lot of room, which was at a premium since we were flying out to San Diego and most airlines think it’s okay to charge extra for taking things with you (thank goodness for Southwest!). Also, what’s the deal with airline food? But I digress.

Space wasn’t the only concern this time around, though. While the original full-size DVDs were bulky to be sure, I wanted this new batch to look a little bit different to reflect an image, too. The Wagon Wheel Comics booth was in the small press section at Comic-Con, and these DVDs are about as “small press” as you can get. The show isn’t going to compete with network programs on any level, so the need to make them similar to standard releases just wasn’t there. If anything, I wanted to make these DVDs stand out because of the differences in play.

With that in mind, we ended up with this:

This is obviously the disc for season two; season one has a solid black background with a silver “1” painted on. I’m happy with the results. They’re unique and they don’t just have the name written on them in permanent marker or anything. I used regular DVD-RWs: I laid them all out flat on cardboard, took them outside, and spray-painted the heck out of them. For the season two DVDs, I used two coats of green as a base. For the red, which apparently looks like blood splatter, I held the can paint sideways and just barely pressed down on the nozzle. It was a lucky moment. I used an X-Acto-knife to cut out the numbers in a comic book backing board (versatile little buggers) and used them as stencils.

The DVDs themselves went into paper sleeves. To complete the ensemble, I modified the original case artwork to fit, added quippy new taglines, and ended up with the compact, squarish pieces that you see directly above and at the very top of the post. These were printed out on sticker paper and slapped on the back.

As I mentioned before, the focus for the show was on selling comics like Teddy and the Yeti and FUBAR, and some of the other stuff, the DVDs included, took a back seat out of necessity. But we did sell a good handful of them! I wonder if those who bought it realize how giddy that makes both Larry and me. Even if they sit in the Comic-Con swag bag for months on end before being sorted. Even if someone takes it out of the bag, looks it over quizzically, wondering “where the hell did I get this?”. Even is someone throws the disc like a Frisbee, trying to stick it into a watermelon. Someone has it! And they might even watch it. To those people, I apologize for the episodes that are a little bit dumb.

This is a close approximation of what the booth looked like. I say “close approximation” because it was taken at the show and is exactly what it looked like. So perhaps “close approximation” is the wrong phrase. Whatever. Regardless, you can see the DVDs on the table, in their place of honor, waiting to find a home. We still (a hem) have a few left, and would be willing to part with them, if anyone is interested. If such a person exists, leave a comment! And I might be willing to send them to you for free, and also take a picture of you and post it on this blog as our first official “fan of the millennium.” Think about it.