Like Franks and Beans, BE IN FRANKS AND BEANS

Jeff Lauren Franks and BeansHere’s a nice shot from an upcoming episode (yes, we still make them) of Franks and Beans.  Despite what many of you are thinking, Larry has not yet had his much-discussed sex change.  Instead, we’ve got a new guest star in the form of Franks and Beans fan Lauren.  In between shots, Lauren and I took a surprisingly intimate picture that seems to intimate (yes, this word has two different pronunciations and meanings…look it up) that the two of us are dating, which was never the case despite what my private journal may “allegedly” divulge.

Sharp-minded viewers will remember that the name “Lauren” was used for a character in an early episode of Franks and Beans.  I will confirm now (ONCE AND FOR ALL) that the character was named after our good friend Lauren here, with the idea that she would never actually show up in Pennsylvania and ask to be on the show.  This means that we will have to come up with a different character name for Lauren, which should be difficult because there just aren’t that many names for girls to choose from in existence.  We’ll see what we can do.

Look for this new episode to air as soon as Larry and I edit the damn thing.

 

Blog 46 – As Serious As…

 

 

Let’s review our 44th episode of Franks and Beans in a series of four screen shots:
As Serious As screen shot 02

 

Screen shot 1: Jeff accuses Larry of stealing his things.  This is because it’s widely known that Larry is a dirty thief.*

[*THIS is known as slander.  Or is it libel?  Let me look it up.  Okay, libel is when it’s written, so this is libel.  Though I also say it quite often, so it’s probably best to toss slander in there, too.  This distinction isn’t really that big of a deal, since Larry is also illiterate and he doesn’t actually listen to anything I say, so I’m probably in the clear as far as all this goes.]

Through the course of events, I get really angry, kind of swear and fall down dead of a heart attack.

Screen Shot 2014-04-13 at 12.12.41 AM

OR DO I?

Screen shot 2: IT’S A JOKE!  What a funny trick to play on your friend: pretend you are dying, slipping the mortal coil, and just when your friend has expressed human compassion and concern, reveal that you are in fact not dying and will probably never die.  This also works well on significant others and while playing in an athletic competition.

My well-conceived joke, however, backfires, as my startling revelation induces the same heart attack-like symptoms in Larry.  In what can only be described as REAL irony (not NOT irony), my fake heart attack gives Larry a real heart attack.

As Serious As screen shot 03

OR DOES IT?

Screen shot 3: In what can only be described as a sequence of events too shocking for words…or, I guess just shocking enough for a few chosen words, we pull the heart attack trick out AGAIN, as Larry’s joke causes a real, true heart attack in Jeff.  But we’ve seen this before, haven’t we?  Jeff must be taking the joke one step further, and the only conclusion we can make is that this episode will continue forever and ever in a continuous stream of fake heart attack after fake heart attack, each one more realistic than the next, as Franks and Beans becomes the first real-time, continuously and forever airing show on the Internet, an historic, awe-inspiring and groundbreaking event that will live on for eternity.

As Serious As screen shot 04
Screen shot 4: Or, Jeff actually dies and the episode is over.  I LIKE THIS ENDING THE BEST!  Here at Franks and Beans, we like to end episodes when you most expect it.  Or least expect it.  Here at Franks and Beans, we end episodes as opposed to never ending them.  This is a good example of that.

As Serious As screen shot 05

Our “NO!” ending for this episode features Larry saying “No!”  He also has the Olympic spirit.  See you next time for “Long Distance!”