Actually less ironic than ever. How ironic!
The truth and nothing but the truth.
It’s a steel cage match of literary proportions.
Welcome to episode 34 of Franks and Beans, the episodic show about the many different episodes of Franks and Beans. In tonight’s episode, we have our 34th episode, “The Last Straw”. Franks and Beans. Episode!
It seems that in this episode (enough already!), our main purpose, with all its lead up and exposition, is simply this: that scene with Daniel Day-Lewis in “There Will be Blood” was really weird, wasn’t it? Why did he use a milkshake as the example? A straw that stretches acrooooooss the room? Man, what the heck. That was just odd.
And yet for a few months the scene stuck with me and I found myself saying the telltale line, “I – DRINK – YOUR – MILKSHAKE!”, in any number of situations, appropriate and otherwise. It gained a little bit of traction in the general popular lexicon of the time as well, though its recognizance has since receded a bit in the five years since the film’s release. But here it is, immortalized for all time in what feels like a very random episode of Franks and Beans.
There’s a lot to like about this episode, starting with the opening dialogue between Larry and myself, which at this point is showing signs of gaining some traction, which is a welcome relief from earlier episodes such as “eBay” and the like. The plot is simplistic in its approach, with Larry, me, the kitchen table and a milkshake (with two straws) as the principle players and obvious deception as the motivation. My plan, regardless of the execution, was to play up that obviousness – we all know what will happen once Larry leaves the room – and then throw in something out of nowhere to break the easy-to-follow pathway. And what better way than to have Larry pick up a randomly-placed crowbar and hit me in the head with it?
For all my rehearsal, I never managed to get Day-Lewis’s milkshake speech right, but I think that the feel is right. Courtesy of our friends (not actually friends) at IMDB, here’s the text of the milkshake speech:
Drainage! Drainage, Eli, you boy. Drained dry. I’m so sorry. Here, if you have a milkshake, and I have a milkshake, and I have a straw. There it is, that’s a straw, you see? You watching?. And my straw reaches acroooooooss the room, and starts to drink your milkshake… I… drink… your… milkshake!
Here’s a little-known Franks and Beans fun fact: we cut the ending of this episode not only because it shouldn’t be difficult to understand what will happen in the seconds to come (death), but also because Larry pulled up a little short with his swing and actually hit me in the head with the crowbar. Not terribly hard, but enough to knock my head back and cause one of my eyeballs to pop out. On the extremely collectible Franks and Beans DVD (a great gift for the holidays) we show this clip, which is actually pretty funny.
The “No!” ending came as the fulfillment of another obsession of mine – sound effects of punching. It surprises me that well-funded television programs still use stock effects such as these in their productions. Well, I suppose nothing about network television surprises me anymore, as I am generally horrified by anything that plays from the hours of 7:00-10:00 in the evening on lower channels, but still my point is valid. But dammit if I don’t enjoy using punching sounds regardless. I think this episode should prove why.
And in case you were wondering, yes, I do believe that our episodes get better in the not too distant future.